Boy-ancy.

The issue about having something as perfect as you is that sometimes I think it's too good to be true.

I try to build walls around my heart in anticipation of the havoc that will inevitably ensue. With every compliment you give me, I deflect it with apathy. With every promise you make, I disregard it with scepticism.

I force myself to swim back to shore every time I find myself delving deeper and deeper into you. Sometimes I fall aimlessly into you, as I let the water shroud around me like a security blanket. I let myself drown in the comfort of you, sometimes closing my eyes as I sink further and further. There's a weird sense of sensuality when you sink. You let something weigh down on you weightlessly as you are carried into the depths of the unknown. You find yourself exploring areas you've never even seen before with an odd sense of familiarity and belonging. Yet amidst the wonder and mesmerization, you will notice that your lungs have become filled with water. You've been drowning in oblivion, and you were too distracted to save yourself. As you frantically flail upwards, you can no longer see the surface because you've swam too deep. You will lose yourself in this process, and what seemed to be so serene was only a facade for wreckage.

And eventually you will become lost. You will let the water encompass all of you. Until you're washed up onto the shore, broken and torn into a million little pieces.

You'll collect yourself and the shattered pieces of your heart - some lost in the grains of sand. And as you grasp onto the shards that are left, you will just shrug and brush it off as an unfortunate mistake that never really broke you the way he broke your heart.

And as you walk back home, you'll look back at the ocean

and promise to yourself that you will never go swimming ever again.